Saturday, December 31, 2011
Money troubles and other thoughts
So, i was watching Rock Center with Brian Williams last week, and he mentioned how a couple got funding for their IVF cycle in 6 days! They used a website called Kickstarter. Naturally, I investigated it, but found that the only reason they were even able to post on there was because they created a film. its a website dedicated to creative projects in the arts. I was really excited about the idea, but alas, i am not a movie maker. I guess if I get desperate, I will become one. I also started researching about grants, and realized that Texas sucks. they have no requirement that insurance covers IVF. this is not something that women would choose to go through. We are desperately wanting a child, not trying to create a super-child with specific traits. There are 15 states that require insurance companies to cover IVF. maybe we should move! ha! There has to be a better way. All my life i thought, it only takes once. now come to find out, my hubby and i should have stayed of BC from the get-go. maybe we'd have a little one by now. I truly believe the Lord has a plan for us, and that He will provide us with a blessed child, but I also believe He is trying to teach me a lesson, and I am not sure if I am on the right track. so far, I have learned the struggles of depression, the agony of feeling alone, the scary thoughts of suicide and the pain of hope. I know that a lot of m y students at school deal with some of these things and more, so I feel like I am listening to them and relating to them a lot more this year. I also feel like He is testing my faith. It was tested when my father passed away suddenly, and I feel like this is another one to make me stronger. I am not sure what lies ahead, but it may be a rough journey, so He is teaching me strength. Last post, I accepted my fate, but as a control-freak, I feel I should be able to do something. So maybe I haven't accepted it. Maybe just that day. I hope that one day we can look back at this and forget the struggle. actually i think i would rather remember, so I can help others and remember to feel grateful. i dont want to take things for granted. my husband and i have to remind ourselves of the positives in life and how we really are truly blessed. I have the most amazing husband and we have a beautiful home. we are both employed and have 2 dogs. I have a mom who knows how to help me and a brother that is caring. i have friends who love me and pray for me. It's just hard to remember those things on the bad days. sometimes i feel like just sending everyone I know a link to my blog, but i think it would make them uncomfortable. i wish there was a website i could create and people could just donate money to me until i have enough. i dont have enough credit to charge everything and we certainly dont have enough cash. I guess I will continue to research, since God helps those who help themselves. My father was always one who would provide and find a solution, so I guess it's our turn now.