a broke Painter

So these days i am actually painting! I think it is because I have been feeling slightly (well let's not kid ourselves; extremely) depressed. I now understand that in order for you to create and write the most interesting pieces there has to be some suffering. I think everything wonderful has its price. Well for most people. Some people are just flippin lucky and they get everything they want. I initially started this blog as my online diary, where i can vent my private thoughts. i am thinking of it now as a way to help me tell the world what i am going through. i know that the world isn't reading it, but I feel like I am not a silent victim anymore and I have a voice. one thing i feel guilty about is going on vacation this year. it's our 5 yr anniversary and we are going to estes park, colorado. my hubby and i never went on a honeymoon (because I was looking for a job) and now we are spending money on a vacation. Money we don't have! and on top of it all, his parents are the ones saving up the money for us to do IVF. His mom says she is happy and that we should go on vacation and she even has a present for us. I am torn. We are going, but i hope they don't feel we are taking advantage of them. the doc we are using wants the first part of it in cash (6K) which is why we cant pay. if we went somewhere else it would be so much more and we dont have enough on the card to charge. oh well. that's life i guess. u will always need more and always want more,.